I awoke surrounded by blackness. I waited for my eyes to adjust but after several minutes there was no change. It was dark and foreboding. I couldn’t even sense anything about my surroundings. It was as if I were nowhere. I felt around in each direction hoping to contact a familiar object. After searching I found nothing. I could only feel the chill from the floor I was standing on. I got down on my hands and knees and ran my palms across the cold hard surface. I could discern no features or details. The floor was hard and smooth. It was also chillingly cold. I started to feel the cold all through my body as I scoured its’ surface. My eyes started to close and I realized the cold was making me sleepy. It had only been 10 or 15 minutes since I last woke. I stood up and fought back the lethargy but was unsuccessful. I don’t even remember laying on the cold of the floor or closing my eyes.

I awoke surrounded by blackness. A sense of panic washed over me. I was here before. I remembered the cold and the blackness. It was all familiar without having any identifiable features. I didn’t remember how I got here or how long I had been here. I didn’t know why I was here or what my captors wanted. I was a prisoner wasn’t I? Had I committed some heinous offense? I had no memory of any events before the dark cold room. If it was a room. I didn’t remember ever contacting any walls. I could feel the sensation of cold traveling up my legs. I noticed I was not clothed. My captives had taken my clothing from me. The cold became more intense and I could feel the warmth of sleep encroaching on me. This seemed so familiar. I tried to fight the feeling but I lost somewhere during the battle…

I awoke surrounded by blackness. How long was I out? Where was I? I could feel a dull ache on the side of my face. The pain was slowly elevating as I gained awareness. I felt my cheek with my fingers and felt dried caked blood. Had I been struck? The wound was aching more and more. Why was I a prisoner? I didn’t remember doing anything wrong. Was I being punished? Anger was washing over me and I cried out to anyone who might be listening, “Why do I deserve this!” A sudden violent flash of light was the only response I got before I fell to the floor blinded and unable to move. My cheek burned with the pain of remembrance. I had committed a horrible murder. He was only 3 years old when I killed him. I didn’t remember why I did it but could their ever be a reason?

I awoke surrounded by blackness. I tried to rise but my cheek was stuck to the floor. I pulled a little and the pain seared through my face. The blood from my cheek had tried to the floor. He was only 3 years old! I was being punished. The police had caught me and this was my cell? That didn’t seem right. We didn’t treat criminals like this. I moved slowly and pulled my face from the floor. The wound opened and the blood flowed. I couldn’t see it but I could feel the warm liquid oozing down my neck. What had I done? Why? I moved quickly in one direction hoping to find the boundary of my cell. After several minutes I felt the impossibility wash over me. There was no wall. How big was this room? I panicked. This couldn’t be happening. I told myself it was a nightmare. That’s all. And I’ll wake soon. Home and safe and in the light.

***This is no nightmare. This is your reality***

Words in my head with no sound. Maybe there was sound from a speaker. But I hadn’t heard any sound-I was certain of that. My captor had communicated with me. “Why am I here?” “Where am I?”

***I was his father. Now I am your tormentor.***

The flash of light was more painful this time and I hit the cold floor hard.

I awoke surrounded by blackness…